I started reading Anatomy of a Food Addiction by Anne Katherine. After answering "yes" to 12 of the 16 questions, I realized that my behavior toward food is not normal. I have known that to eat one tiny candy bar is impossible. More must follow. Until I feel that I might explode. The taste of the chocolate on my tongue does not satisfy - I must always have more until I've reached the point of feeling ill.
Anne recommends quitting sugar and alcohol altogether. Like a drill sergeant kind of strict. None. Fresh fruit will be the only source of sugar. No dried fruit, no juice, no, no, no. I mulled this over as I savored the last piece of homemade apple pie I had crafted this weekend.
I don't know if this is in keeping with what my inner child wants. She loves candy. But she was sneaky! She ate sugar to excess and tried to hide how much she had consumed. As if an empty cookie sheet and candy jar did not give her machinations away! Haha.
I do know that the cleaner I eat, the easier it is to avoid my trigger foods. I'm not against animal products (I LOVE cheese even more than mice! That would be more than mice love cheese, not more than I love mice...) but the more vegan my diet, the easier it is as well.
I started writing right now because I'm craving sweets. I'm feeling anxious, like I need to move around and I also need a distraction from my work. I wonder if a quick walk would do the trick? My inner child just said she wants to skip. Ok, fine! I'm off!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Shattering False Belief Patterns
I woke up several times in terror last night. What had me shaking with fear, my heart racing and my thoughts hurtling through my mind reinforcing every terrible notion I have about myself? I'm worrying about work as usual.
My sense of security is tightly wound up with the paycheck I receive for services rendered. I have a dread fear that they will discover (after 3 1/2 years!) that I really don't know what I'm doing.That some vital process has been destroyed and I will be banished from the office and shamed for my very existence.
Thank goodness for friends that offer guidance, albeit unorthodox. She told me that I wasn't a master of deceit and if I sucked at what I did, they would have figured it out by now. Well, way to crush that powerful view of myself! I guess that's the only thing I imagine that I do well - pretending to not be inadequate. I guess it stands to reason that if I suck at everything else, I wouldn't be able to do that either.
Well, that belief pattern crushed, I thought I'd move on to another issue I've been struggling with. I know a guy who I hate. How un-elightened and un-spiritual of me! The very sight and thought of him irks me and brings out yucky feelings galore. Well, let's think about this. Why does this unassuming, ordinary looking fellow make me feel so angry? Every interaction we have, he makes it clear that he loathes me. He's passive-aggressively insinuated that I'm utterly lacking in intelligence by stating that I should know how to do something based on having worked where I do for over a year. Never mind that I haven't been shown how to do said task.
Why do I care so much? We all want people to like us, but this is stronger than that. I work with other people that I don't want to hug and I'm fine with that. Thus, we've got a trigger issue here. Well, I'm pretty sensitive to having my intelligence questioned. In fact, it's the fastest way to tick me off. I'll lose control yelling at you for making me out to look dumb. Well, on closer examination, that means he ain't the problem at all. Looks like I'm just afraid he might be right.
This probably applies to just about any of our hot button issues. Once we identify what the problem is, then we can go to work reassuring ourselves that we are good enough, smart enough, etc. Now that I've started to let go my need for external approval, perhaps I won't cringe at the sight of him anymore.
Well, goodbye for now, I'm going to spend some time telling my inner child that everything she does is perfect and she has every tool she needs to do the task at hand. Internal approval rules! :)
My sense of security is tightly wound up with the paycheck I receive for services rendered. I have a dread fear that they will discover (after 3 1/2 years!) that I really don't know what I'm doing.That some vital process has been destroyed and I will be banished from the office and shamed for my very existence.
Thank goodness for friends that offer guidance, albeit unorthodox. She told me that I wasn't a master of deceit and if I sucked at what I did, they would have figured it out by now. Well, way to crush that powerful view of myself! I guess that's the only thing I imagine that I do well - pretending to not be inadequate. I guess it stands to reason that if I suck at everything else, I wouldn't be able to do that either.
Well, that belief pattern crushed, I thought I'd move on to another issue I've been struggling with. I know a guy who I hate. How un-elightened and un-spiritual of me! The very sight and thought of him irks me and brings out yucky feelings galore. Well, let's think about this. Why does this unassuming, ordinary looking fellow make me feel so angry? Every interaction we have, he makes it clear that he loathes me. He's passive-aggressively insinuated that I'm utterly lacking in intelligence by stating that I should know how to do something based on having worked where I do for over a year. Never mind that I haven't been shown how to do said task.
Why do I care so much? We all want people to like us, but this is stronger than that. I work with other people that I don't want to hug and I'm fine with that. Thus, we've got a trigger issue here. Well, I'm pretty sensitive to having my intelligence questioned. In fact, it's the fastest way to tick me off. I'll lose control yelling at you for making me out to look dumb. Well, on closer examination, that means he ain't the problem at all. Looks like I'm just afraid he might be right.
This probably applies to just about any of our hot button issues. Once we identify what the problem is, then we can go to work reassuring ourselves that we are good enough, smart enough, etc. Now that I've started to let go my need for external approval, perhaps I won't cringe at the sight of him anymore.
Well, goodbye for now, I'm going to spend some time telling my inner child that everything she does is perfect and she has every tool she needs to do the task at hand. Internal approval rules! :)
Monday, December 5, 2011
What's Eating Who?
I have a food problem. What a sticky (like sugar?!) addiction to have, since food is necessary for life! I can't just quit it cold turkey like an alcoholic or a drug addict.
My thoughts are consumed (see what I did there?) with ideas about my next meal (fix, really!) I count minutes until it is acceptable lunch-time range. I have difficulty concentrating on anything other than that piece of chocolate that hollers my name so loudly and yet... only I can hear it! I bring a slice of apple pie for a co-worker and then, I eat his AND mine. Sorry. *hangs head in shame*
I have learned that eating high quality foods that I make myself helps. I have also learned that avoiding trigger foods like they are the scourge of the earth helps build up a tolerance to their tiny, shouting voices. Sometimes when I'm in the throes of craving potato chips or ice cream, I stop and ask myself why. It's usually because I'm anxious about something. I try to focus on the cause of that anxiety and relieve it in a healthy way, with positive self-talk or meditation. Sometimes it works! Sometimes it doesn't. :( Sometimes I just don't care and I eat until I can't anymore.
We are set up at birth. Yes! It is an elaborate set up! I protest. I come out crying and BAM! you shove milk in my face. *sigh* Then I wonder why I'm obsessed with all things dairy. Cookie Monster rants and raves about his sugar addiction; isn't he so cute?! Well, yes, he's cute, but how is that OK? Every time I did something well, I was rewarded with lollipops, pizza, ice cream cones, oh the devilry of it all. I reach for food and it makes me feel oh so good.
I remember when I was a kid and I was having too much fun to break for dinner. How do I strike a balance? Where I nourish myself when necessary but I don't obsess about food most of my waking hours? It all begins with awareness. The rest is a journey. Who's with me on this path? Shall we skip?
My thoughts are consumed (see what I did there?) with ideas about my next meal (fix, really!) I count minutes until it is acceptable lunch-time range. I have difficulty concentrating on anything other than that piece of chocolate that hollers my name so loudly and yet... only I can hear it! I bring a slice of apple pie for a co-worker and then, I eat his AND mine. Sorry. *hangs head in shame*
I have learned that eating high quality foods that I make myself helps. I have also learned that avoiding trigger foods like they are the scourge of the earth helps build up a tolerance to their tiny, shouting voices. Sometimes when I'm in the throes of craving potato chips or ice cream, I stop and ask myself why. It's usually because I'm anxious about something. I try to focus on the cause of that anxiety and relieve it in a healthy way, with positive self-talk or meditation. Sometimes it works! Sometimes it doesn't. :( Sometimes I just don't care and I eat until I can't anymore.
We are set up at birth. Yes! It is an elaborate set up! I protest. I come out crying and BAM! you shove milk in my face. *sigh* Then I wonder why I'm obsessed with all things dairy. Cookie Monster rants and raves about his sugar addiction; isn't he so cute?! Well, yes, he's cute, but how is that OK? Every time I did something well, I was rewarded with lollipops, pizza, ice cream cones, oh the devilry of it all. I reach for food and it makes me feel oh so good.
I remember when I was a kid and I was having too much fun to break for dinner. How do I strike a balance? Where I nourish myself when necessary but I don't obsess about food most of my waking hours? It all begins with awareness. The rest is a journey. Who's with me on this path? Shall we skip?
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Character Traits
Recently I was asked to consider my five favorite historical figures. I hurriedly dashed down a few names but stopped at four. I already understood. What makes a person great, memorable, is the qualities that they have and I already saw the common threads.
My four are Louis Pasteur, Harriet Tubman, Elizabeth Blackwell and Martin Luther King Jr. What do I admire about each of these individuals? Each of them evidenced courage beyond what an ordinary human is ever expected to have. Each of them were faced with a task that others had deemed impossible. They made a way where there was no way.
Louis Pasteur believed that he could find cures for incurable illnesses. He blazed trails and discovered things that were never before known. He showed courage, determination, and used intelligence to solve mysteries that baffled all of mankind. He was relentless in pursuit of his passion.
Harriet Tubman escaped to the North and became a free woman. Was that enough for her? No, she felt passionately that other slaves deserved to experience this and she risked her life over and over. Her courage and determination when she would have been tortured and killed if found, is awe inspiring. Her passion for what she knew was right coupled with the intelligence to make a way where there was no way made the impossible, reality.
Elizabeth Blackwell wanted to be a doctor. Women were expressly forbidden to enter this field at that time. Did she let that stop her? No sir! She had the courage to pursue a dream that she was passionate about. She endured ridicule and shame but would not give up. She evidenced the intelligence necessary to grasp the material and pass the exams despite the harassment she endured. She holds the honor of being called the first female doctor.
Martin Luther King Jr wasn't satisfied with second class citizen status. He stared in the eyes of the devil and calmly demanded what he felt was right. His courage, his eloquence and his single-minded determination to the cause of equality led to a powerful movement that changed the face of the United States.
What do these men and women have in common? All four have the character traits courage, determination, intelligence and passion. Courage is the ability to embrace your fear. Determination is the will to keep going when you and everyone around you is certain that you've hit a dead end. Intelligence is often misunderstood. Everyone is given the intelligence to fulfill their purpose. Getting As in school isn't how you succeed at the game of life. Finally, passion. In order to channel courage, determination and intelligence into your purpose, you have to be passionate about it. You can read my earlier blog about finding your passion http://childsplaydate.blogspot.com/2011/11/limiting-beliefs.html if you're too stuck in fear to know what it is. I sure was!
Who are your favorite historical figures? What do you admire about them and how can you strive to have those same character traits? Leave me a comment - love to hear what inspires you!
My four are Louis Pasteur, Harriet Tubman, Elizabeth Blackwell and Martin Luther King Jr. What do I admire about each of these individuals? Each of them evidenced courage beyond what an ordinary human is ever expected to have. Each of them were faced with a task that others had deemed impossible. They made a way where there was no way.
Louis Pasteur believed that he could find cures for incurable illnesses. He blazed trails and discovered things that were never before known. He showed courage, determination, and used intelligence to solve mysteries that baffled all of mankind. He was relentless in pursuit of his passion.
Harriet Tubman escaped to the North and became a free woman. Was that enough for her? No, she felt passionately that other slaves deserved to experience this and she risked her life over and over. Her courage and determination when she would have been tortured and killed if found, is awe inspiring. Her passion for what she knew was right coupled with the intelligence to make a way where there was no way made the impossible, reality.
Elizabeth Blackwell wanted to be a doctor. Women were expressly forbidden to enter this field at that time. Did she let that stop her? No sir! She had the courage to pursue a dream that she was passionate about. She endured ridicule and shame but would not give up. She evidenced the intelligence necessary to grasp the material and pass the exams despite the harassment she endured. She holds the honor of being called the first female doctor.
Martin Luther King Jr wasn't satisfied with second class citizen status. He stared in the eyes of the devil and calmly demanded what he felt was right. His courage, his eloquence and his single-minded determination to the cause of equality led to a powerful movement that changed the face of the United States.
What do these men and women have in common? All four have the character traits courage, determination, intelligence and passion. Courage is the ability to embrace your fear. Determination is the will to keep going when you and everyone around you is certain that you've hit a dead end. Intelligence is often misunderstood. Everyone is given the intelligence to fulfill their purpose. Getting As in school isn't how you succeed at the game of life. Finally, passion. In order to channel courage, determination and intelligence into your purpose, you have to be passionate about it. You can read my earlier blog about finding your passion http://childsplaydate.blogspot.com/2011/11/limiting-beliefs.html if you're too stuck in fear to know what it is. I sure was!
Who are your favorite historical figures? What do you admire about them and how can you strive to have those same character traits? Leave me a comment - love to hear what inspires you!
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