Thanksgiving

It's the eve of Thanksgiving and one might be feeling delight at the prospect of spending time with friends and family celebrating all the things for which we are thankful. We do this by spending time with loved ones, hacking up a turkey and eating more than one human ever should in one day! I love this holiday!

What happens to many of us when we are with family though? Is it simple? Can we just relax and enjoy the company of our loved ones or is it really (secretly) stressful? For many of us, the expectations of family can be overwhelming. At what point do our needs matter? Can we comfortably tell mom that what she wants won't work this year without worrying that she'll lose control? If she loses control, it's your fault, right?
Is it safe to be around your grandfather? Will he inappropriately try to massage your shoulders and will you feel confident enough to tell him to stop? Will your aunt make snide comments about your body and whether or not it is too thin or too heavy? Will you be able to let her know that her comments are not welcome?

Boundaries. What are they? Such a nebulous idea. They change from person to person so how can one know? A good tool for learning where your boundaries are is to be self aware. If you start to feel sad or angry, your boundaries may have been crossed. If you feel uncomfortable, stop what you are doing and notice. Every time you let someone cross a boundary and stifle the associated feelings, you hurt yourself just a little more. You deny who you are and your own needs. This is more damaging than we ever imagine.

It is time for us to take control of our lives. No one is allowed to speak to us in a way that we don't sanction. No one is allowed to touch us without our permission. No one is allowed to guilt or shame us into behaving the way that they want. Guilt is a tool of emotional manipulation. And is it ever effective! Learn to reject guilt. Learn to reject shame. You are an individual and entitled to your thoughts, feelings and opinions and you don't even have to explain them to anyone! Ever! You owe no one an explanation as to when you are getting married or when you are having children. You owe no one an explanation as to why your boundaries change from person to person.

As much as I advocate returning to childhood, being an adult carries the freedom of being able to say NO as much as and whenever you want. I say NO with reckless abandon to everyone else and YES to my inner desire to play. What will your inner child ask for that you will say yes to today?