Selfish? Or Self-Care?

I've learned that the most important job I have in life is to care for myself. To many that sounds incredibly selfish. I have to do this or so and so's feelings will be hurt. I have to do that because so and so might get upset and not like me anymore. I have to do yet another thing because so and so can't do it for themselves. I learned this lesson the really, really hard way. By trying to fix so many different people - men who have lost fathers at a young age, men physically abused by their parents, alcoholic/drug addicts, single moms - both my age and my mom's age, children abandoned by their mothers, the list goes on and on and on. I imagined myself to be an angel, sent here to save people from their misery. Instead, I never saved anyone and I just fell deeper and deeper into confusion and depression.

I don't advocate trampling on another person's feelings or boundaries with reckless abandon. That IS selfish. And sometimes, yes, your own feelings must be set aside, such as to tend to a friend who is sad over the breakup of her long term relationship.

Nonetheless, you come first. Always. Knowing and respecting your own boundaries. Taking time to care for yourself. Let others know what you need and what you are and are not able to do to help them. Be gentle. Be kind. But be firm and don't spend too much time worrying about how you think they feel as a result.

I look at taking responsibility for someone else's feelings and actions like this.
1. It's not your job.
2. It is almost arrogant to think that you can live their life better than they can or that you can fix them.
3. It keeps you distracted from looking at and fixing your own life.

In fact, taking care of somebody else is a wonderful coping mechanism that allows you to never once take a look internally and see what needs to be done for you.

What you feel is your responsibility and what someone else feels is their responsibility. Stop blurring the lines and own what is yours. Leave the rest behind.

Don't forget to nourish your soul with play! Tag! You're it!